Ch ch Changes!

I feel like everything is changing in my life and I do not really like it my time in Camelot is coming to an end. I have spent the past 5 years raising my baby girl and now its time for her to start school and for me to go back to work........

I'm terrified of what being a working mother will be like its so unknown to me. I worry about my daughter and how she will adjust. I know kids are resilient but I still worry. I do not want her world to change too much in such a short time.

I also feel like going back to work puts an end to us trying for a second child. That boy is always reassuring me that its not the end and having a child go to daycare is not the worst thing. I just don't see it..... I want to be able to give a child everything that I gave our first and working full time does not feel like I can do that. I have been so stressed about it. I want to be able to close this door and move forward but every time I try something pulls be right back......

I feel like if we never try or at least follow up on the APS/Hughes thing it will be the biggest regret of my life. I will always wonder what if? How our life would have been different. I already feel guilty for not trying for another sooner. Maybe if we had then I would not have lost the other two...... I know we can not change our past or our future by guilt and worry but sometimes I can not help these feelings....

I just wish I could turn back the clock to Christmas morning when all was right with the world.... A baby in my belly, a beautiful daughter, loving husband, and new home...The future looked so promising then! Now it just looks scary and unknown............