After we lost Duce I bought a St. Gerard necklace. I wanted so desperately to protect the baby I lost and any that would come. I wore that necklace night and day, I never took it off. When we got pregnant with peanut I was necrotic about wearing it. I even pinned it to my bra one day since I wanted to wear a different necklace. The day we found out that peanut's heart stopped beating I ripped the necklace off and shoved it at that boy. I could not bear the weight of it.... I felt that it was all a joke St. Gerard did not protect my baby. I was mad...... Well that boy put it on his wrist and never took it off. It was something we never talked about and I tried not to think about it...
Well the other day it broke off at work. He told me that he wore it as a reminder and he was upset when it broke, but then his day got better and a lot of things fell into place. He has been having a ruff time lately and this felt like the cloud had been lifted. That it was ok to say good bye to peanut and to move forward with our lives.
All I can do is cry. I often wonder why he is not affected as deeply as I am but when he tells me things like this I know he is just as hurt as I am.
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