Wednesday, January 20, 2016

One foot in front of the other...

I finally got my medical records and am headed to the obgyn today. I'm terrified for so many reasons. But we must press on in my heart I know I need answers.....

Friday, January 8, 2016

Up and at em!!!

I'm starting boot camp this morning. Yeah for fitness and a new attitude!!!! I can do this. 

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Nail on the head......

That moment when your friend totally hits the nail right on the head and you fall apart. 

I have not really been myself since our first loss and I have felt so lost. 

We were discussing me coming back to our workout group. I was telling her that I just feel so unmotivated. I used to have great motivation. Ran 5 miles a day went to the gym. Ate super healthy. Now I just can't bring myself to even go for a walk. 

She said she felt the same way after she lost her baby. Explained how her hormones had been so wacky and she could see so much of the same in me. 

I fell apart. How can this still be such a sore subject? How has this affected my life sooo much. Blah. 

Friday, January 1, 2016


1. I want to become the best me I can. I need to be strong and healthy for myself and family. 
2. I want to complete my masters. 
3. I want to have a diagnosis for my pregnancy issues. 
4. I want a plan that I can be at peace with regarding another baby. 
5. I want to go to the blue spring. 
6. Get a tattoo 

This will be a year of turning my life around. I feel like since the losses I have been depressed and trapped in a cycle of not caring. I need to turn it around. I have so many good things in my life that I can't allow these bad events to shape the rest of my future. I don't know what 2016 has in store for me but I'm ready for a change.